A few months ago, I reconnected with an old boyfriend. During our time together, I had many POP! POP! moments of clarity and understanding.
I realised that I had put my old mask back on while I was around him because I felt so much bigger than him now, but part of me felt ashamed of that and wanted to diminish my greatness and make me small again so that he would accept me.
I realised I did this because of my abandonment issues. I didn’t actually want to be with him; it didn’t actually matter whether or not he accepted me, but when I was “in” those feelings of desperately not wanting to be rejected, I couldn’t see that clearly. After I popped through, I knew that what really mattered was whether or not I accepted myself.
It was a huge moment for me. I learned that I am capable of not only recognising my patterns and behaviours but of walking away from what no longer serves me and from situations that do not honour my soul.
Real Sister, S
