Lessons…
In the last year, I have been creating huge shifts in my life. Within the relationship I have with myself and consequently, within the relationships I have with other people.
The shift is such that I have gone from a position of being repeatedly attracted to emotionally unavailable women to the place where I am now.
I’ve done so much work on being conscious of my patterns and shifting my core beliefs that I finally felt confident this year to begin dating again. I have solid self-love, and I am very clear on what I want and deserve in a relationship.
I have begun dating a really amazing woman and it is entirely different to any relationship I have ever been in before (imagine a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person… This has been my relationships up to and including both of my parents). It has the potential to grow into something beautiful.
I’m a little excited about it but staying conscious.
So the new lessons… This all sounds pretty wonderful, right? Well it all is in a way but what comes as a surprise to people is when I tell them it can also be somewhat uncomfortable… what I know, what my comfort zone has been, is a paradigm of unhealthy interaction. There is a part of my subconscious mind screaming out “this isn’t how we do things”, “it’s not safe,” and while I understand from deep in my heart that this is nonsense, it leaves a series of emotional reactions that must be dealt with. Processed.
Protection and fear must be looked at and let go of.
I guess the big point of learning in this is that growth can be difficult, it can be uncomfortable, it can be painful… even when a beautiful new reality is literally looking you in the face… but the work is necessary to have something different… and my God does letting go of the past and embracing the future feel good.
Keep on shifting.
There are brighter things ahead of us all.
Real Brother, Andrew
