The truth is, we often don’t learn where our boundaries are until they’ve been crossed. That’s when it lands—something feels off, and you suddenly realise, “That didn’t sit right with me… that was a line I didn’t even know I had.”
But here’s the thing—no one else is living inside your head. Other people haven’t walked your path, they don’t know your personal history or inner landscape, and they can’t automatically know the depth or importance of your boundaries. It’s your responsibility to express them clearly.
You can’t fairly blame someone for stepping over a line you never told them existed. Yelling, accusing, or reacting after the fact doesn’t help—it just keeps you stuck in a cycle of blame. That’s not sovereignty. That’s avoidance of responsibility.
True self-responsibility is knowing how to communicate your boundaries with clarity and grace. And remember, not everyone has the same upbringing. Some people were raised in homes where excessive behaviour was normal. Others grew up in emotionally shut-down environments. What feels obvious to you may not be to them. Everyone’s baseline is different.
That’s why it’s crucial to align your intellectual boundaries with your embodied ones. If you say “yes” in the moment—whether out of politeness, pressure, or habit—and then later regret it and feel wronged, you’re not being congruent. In that case, it’s not always the other person manipulating you—it may be that you manipulated yourself by saying yes when your body meant no. And when you frame yourself as the victim afterward, it creates confusion and pain—for both of you.
Learning to know, feel, and communicate your boundaries in real time is a vital part of healthy connection. And it’s your job to honour that first, before expecting others to.
When a boundary does get crossed, take it as a lesson. It’s showing you where you need to get clearer, firmer, and more confident in setting your limits. Each moment like that helps you define your boundaries better moving forward.
